So long, mahjong

October 6th, 2023

Mom went to be with the Lord today. First Copy, my sister-in-law, then Bruce, then dad, and now mom. It has been a painfully tough, yet strangely beautiful, couple of years. Mom's death was both a surprise and not a surprise: I visited her in the hospital this evening after she finished a routine blood transfusion for her anaemia, and she seemed happy and responsive, but a few hours later, when I was back at home, the nurses called to tell me she was dying. I rushed back, but she was already at peace when I arrived. And there I was, thinking I would take her home the next day…

It was true that mom had all sorts of health complications in her last few years: blood vessel blockages, arthritis, high blood pressure, and so on. I guess all those things, and the fact that dad was already gone, caught up with her. I’m glad she didn’t suffer like some of my other loved ones have; this was one of my biggest prayers for her and dad in the last few months. God was gracious

I think God also knew that we needed time together before we could say goodbye. Mom spent a few weeks living with me in July and August after she was discharged from a three-week hospital stay. At first, she was pretty grumpy at the situation, even accusing me of imprisoning her against her will! (The doctors had told me she needed to be supervised for a while as she continued her recovery). Eventually, however, she settled into this new way of living and showed affection by starting friendly chats about the clothes I would wear to work. It felt fun and normal to talk about outfits with her. She would also message to ask when I was coming home for dinner, just like Bruce used to do.

Playing mahjong with mum at my home

By the time she returned to her own home, she almost seemed like a different person. In the last two months of her life she was tender, full of nostalgic stories, and happy to enjoy my company over simple, quiet dinners. I noticed how a lot of the hurts she used to carry didn’t come up in conversation any more: her presence felt lighter. She even evangelised to the Nightingale Nurses who came to look after her! I am grateful that I get to remember her like this, and that we could enjoy quality time alone before she passed on. How sweet are moments with those you love, especially when there is not much time left. We might still have had the odd argument here and there, but in the end, we were in a good place. I loved her, and she loved me.

Endings are bittersweet, I suppose. On the day of her death, The Butterfly Effect was officially published and shared with the world. To me, this felt like another little God- incidence: a sign that He would keep releasing stories of love, even if some chapters had to come to an end. Besides, when I close my eyes, I keep seeing mom and dad up in heaven with Jesus, happily playing mahjong! Some things never change…

Death is not the end. I have clung to this truth. Jesus has overcome, and He promises to be with us, always. Psalm 139 asks the questions, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?” And answers them with statements so far reaching they are hard to grasp: “If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the grave, you are there… your right hand will hold me fast.” In my own words, I might say, “Even in the holes left by mom, dad and Bruce, Jesus is there. In sorrow, in joy, Jesus is there. Even now, He is holding me close — forever and ever. Amen.”